Mood:
I wanna go home...
Reading: Negima Vol 7
Wow, its been a long time ince my last entry. Over a year in fact. My last journal was on July 5 2005, and now on July 26th 2006 I write again. Kinda alot has happened since then. In old news (or older news) I got back from deployment, and then went right back out again. My last entry was durring my last week on the ship, and now Im on my last weeks In Iraq, so they managed to get a full cycle out of me in less then a year. Busy.
In my most recent and exiting news, I just got myself a new computer and Camera. Dood Im getting a dell! It isnt here yet, but it has shipped, Im just patiantly waiting. Here are the specs:
XPS M1710
Special Edition Formula Red
Intel® Core™ Duo Processor T2500 (2MB Cache/2GHz/667MHz FSB), Genuine Windows® XP Media Center Edition 2005
LCD Panel 17 inch UltraSharp™ Wide Screen UXGA Display with TrueLife™
Memory 2GB DDR2 SDRAM at 667MHZ, 2 DIMM
Video Card 512MB NVIDIA® GeForce™ Go 7900 GTX
Hard Drive 100GB 7200rpm SATA Hard Drive
Operating System (Office software not included) Genuine Windows® XP Media Center Edition 2005
Network Card and Modem Integrated 10/100/1000 Network Card and Modem
Adobe Software Adobe® Acrobat® Reader 6.0
Combo/DVD+RW Drives 8X CD/DVD Burner (DVD+/-RW) with double-layer DVD+R write capability
Sound Options Integrated Sound Blaster® Audigy™ HD Software Edition
Wireless Networking Cards Intel PRO/Wireless 3945 Internal Wireless and Bluetooth
Office Software (not included in Windows XP) Microsoft Office Basic - Includes Word, Excel, and Outlook email
Anti-Virus/Security Suite (Pre-installed) McAfee Security Center with VirusScan, Firewall, Spyware Removal, 36-months
Primary Battery 80 WHr 9-cell Lithium Ion Primary Battery
Hardware Warranty SAVE $70 with Dell Gift Card 4Yr Ltd Warr,At-Home Srvc + Nights and Weekend
XPS Specialized Support Inspiron XPS, Specialized Support
Accidental Damage Service (Unavailable in Florida) SAVE 10 %! Add CompleteCare Accidental Damage Svc to 4Yr Lim Warranty
Miscellaneous Award Winning Service, Support
Future Operating Systems Windows Vista™ Capable
Media Center Enhancements TV Tuner w/ Remote Control
Dell Digital Entertainment No preinstalled software
Dell Wireless 355 internal Bluetooth. Bluetooth 2.0 with 3 Mbps Enhanced Data Rate
With I I also ordered:
EOS Digital Rebel XT with EF-S 18-55MM - Black
Microsoft Streets and Trips 2006 with GPS Locator
Electronic Arts - Half Life 2: Episode One
Western Digital 500GB 7200RPM USB 2.0/FireWire Hard Drive
So basicly, Im in geek heaven. Sure beats the broken lap top that dosent run I currently have. Im not even going to mention how much I spent. Its a good thing I just spent 6 months in a tax free combat zone with no bills and no wife to spend my money while Im away.
I also manage to pick up an XBox 360 out here at the PX. Didnt get much time to play it tho, and I was worried the dust was going to get into it and destroy it anyways. Dust is in everything here.
Shortly after this deployment I will be getting out. Im done. 3 deployments are enough for me. Ive seen more then I care to in this life time. Still I will miss it. I almost reenlisted to go to japan, but they couldnt get me main land, just okinawa so I turned it down. Its off into the private sector for me and time to start looking for a job. I also need to start a portfolio If Im ever going to get a job as an artist like I panned to. For now tho my only trained job skill is kicking as with tan desert boots.
I have yet to look into it, but I hear dev arts submision policy has changed which has driven several of my friends out. Not good. I hope I too wont be too angered by It and leave. Devart has just gone downhill since it started to go capitalistic.
On the art front, Ive started several new projects and put several on hold. Mostly because the forementioned no longer functioning lap top, but once I have my new lap top Ill be good to go to kick it back into high gear (especialy with a month of vacation coming up!) I just have to save my work files from my old hard drive. Waiting till I get to the states for that one with a licenced sony repair person.
The biggest of those projects I mentioned is a OS-Tans based comic/manga strip. I dont know if Ill be posting any of the actuall strips here or just concept work. Im working on it with some of the wonderfull people at
[link]. We are always looking for new members and fellow fanatics. See my gallery for several promo works I did up for it already.
While my computer was down, I learned to paint. Or was forced to learn to paint. The word on my talents got out to the Battalion Comander and I have been tasked with varios art projects in my down time. They gave me the worst possible paint, brushes and expect me to paint faster then humanly possible in damn near inhumane conditions. Ah life as a marine. Could you paint out side in 130 degree weather in direct sunlight while all of your tools are hot enough to burn when you touch them for too long (I kept a cooler of Ice near by just to dip my ruler and other metal tools in before I used them because of that) Still I dont say no (not that I really could if I wanted to) or complain because I look at it as a test. If I can do it in these conditions, I should have no problem working in the civilian sector. See my gallery for some of my better unit sanctioned works.
On another note. I had a close call out here. Its been boring otherwise. I had a close call with a couple of mortars. that happened a while back but I think I didnt mention it too mcuh because I wasnt sure what was released to the media at the time, now its old news. I was out with a working party to build a new base out in one of the areas around Fallujah, putting up barriers and laying down triple strand wire. On
the second day tho, apprently our fortifying got someones attention because just as soon as a convy rolled into our position i think they
counted 6 mortars hitting right in the middle of our base. Personaly I only remember the first, cus after that I was more concerned with
getting into cover then counting. I was out on the wall, saw the first blast (being a mortarman I had seen them many times at over a mile away, but now it was at about 25 feet) and I damn near got knocked off my feet. I think I hesitated for a second.. (I donno for sure, time had little meaning that day) while I remeber anyliticly thinking about what I needed to do... Not fear. I dont remember being scared once the entire incodent. After a second I guess my body took over because before I knew I was doing it I had already lept down for the 7 foot dirt filled barricade and was running full tilt towards the buildings for cover. I had never had so much energy or felt so light in my life. Full gear, a full day and a half later after bing in 110 degree weather drenched in sweat after shoveling dirt for 20 hours and I felt like I was walking in the park.
Like I said, I was just doing what I was trained to do at the time. "in case of mortars get into cover and wait for the all clear signal" and thats what I was doing, untill I heard some people screaming. Someone was yelling at someone we called Bart to get up and get into cover. This guy was a real turd and unfortunatly I was in charge of him (at least for those few days) and I had already spent the entire day kicking him in the ass every 5 minutes to get him to stand up and keep working like everyone else. Actually.. I remember not 30 minutes before I commented to a buddy that I hated his ass so much he could get blown up and I wouldnt do a damn thing for him. My first thought when I heard someone yelling at him was that he was just faking it or he was being a bitch. Then I heard him yell "I cant get up, my foot is hit!" Before I knew what I was doing, I was no longer running away from the explosions and I was running towards
them where he was. I was by his side in no time, and at first all looked normal, then I noticed what was left of his boot. I dont think
Ill ever forget that. I stopped for a second to contemplate a firemans carry thinking It might hurt him worse, and instead reached down getting a good grip on his flak jacket. At the same time, the sergeant in charge of us grabbed his flak too (I
didnt even relize he was standing next to me) and the two of us simply dragged him back to the building and inside. I remembered my comment about not helping him later, and I had never been so asahmed.
The sergeant started calling out for all of us on the working party to see if anyone was missing while I was cutting off the reminents of the
boot. Before I was even done with that our corpsman was there with me and he started to do what he could for his foot. I made 2 more trips out with other marines to grab people and bring them inside.. but I dont remember them as well as I didnt know the guys and the chaos was starting to blend everything togeather.
I think it was nearly an hour before we started to evac people.. but it cirtanly seemed shorter with all we were doing. I was patching minor stuff up, collecting medical supplys and giving them to people administering aid, and doing my best to keep the wounded guys spirits up by telling jokes and having conversation. It seems strikingly odd to me right now.. Here i was surrounded but over a dozen wounded men, and I was telling jokes. There was one guy, hit in the ass.. he looked quite miserable with his pants cut off leaning over a heap of rubble with his ass out in the air waiting for evac, but he sure did crack a smile when I jokingly complemented him on his ass and told him Id be visiting him later that night cus deployment was getting rather long.
It seemed like they just kept coming in... the eventual total was like.. 22 wounded 2 dead. maybe it was 20 wounded 2 dead.. I cant remember now. We didnt know the numbers ourselves for a day or two afterwards. I saw one of the 2 die. the other.. I went to help carry him out and someone relized he was already gone. We just... took him off the strecher and set him aside and put someone else on it... One of my friends I had been joking with durring chow.. a guy named Rios.. He got hit in the eye. Luckily he had been wearing Eye protection or else I think the peice would have killed him but intstead it was lodged there
in the plastic, tho he did lose the eye. When we took of the glasses it was hanging out and the doc had to carefully put it back in.
Everyone was evaced and the rest of us were all oredered to stay inside incase of a second volly.. and then coming down off the adrinalen
everything hit. I wept, I punched the wall, I thoguth id lose my mind... I just stood there for a few minutes at a time staring into
space, and then there wre times I wanted to just grab my shotgun and run outside to shoot something, anything. Ive never felt so helpless and vulnerable. It was mortars.. they could have been three miles away in any direction We had no idea where they wre and we couldnt strike back. I just lost 2 guy and couldnt do a damn thing about it. Someone had just tried to take my life and I hadnt even seen them. No chance to defend myself, didnt know it was coming and couldnt even find him to make it even. I hated that feeling.
Strangely enough... while we were all siting around, all the religios types started calling us togeather to have a group pray. I tried to say
I didnt belive, but I joined them anyways.. I thought that I had to.. for my guys, for their sake.. But there huddled togeather I was
trembling hearing them pray. Even I felt for a moment that deep ruted desiere in man to belive that someone up there had a plan, that it wasall for a reason, that someone would take care of our friends even if they didnt make it. I cant rag to much on religion anymore. I still dont belive, but now I know why people feel the need to belive.. all the things I hate from religion is just collateral damage but I see the good at the heart of it, even if I still belive they are wroung.
Then, we started work again, but now with 4 people at all times in the bunkers we were making on the roof for "added security" not that it made any of us feel any more secure. Since I was a grunt I was assigned to that.. and then I felt scared. Terrified. Looking out from that bunker watching every passer by, the people going about their everyday lives, every car truck or donkey cart... any one of them could be someone trying to kill me. I felt exposed up there. You know that feeling you get when someone is watching you.. its was like that... but worse. Ive met many good Iraqies but at that moment in time I was having a hard time not hating every last one... the damn insergent look just like them..they could be any one of them.
after that, we finished it all, went back to the main base and I had to listen to person after person wanting me to tell them what happened..
And I couldnt say a damn thing. I tried to sleep but couldnt. Eating was a no go either. That all passed quickly, and I had just about
forgotten about it exept a side thought here and there, and I was reminded of it every time someone else got hit, but that was the last time they Let me out of the wire. With my job (armory) Im to valuble to lose and they saw how close they came to losing me once and I guess it scared them. One of their precios peices of gear may go missing and they could have to do an investigation oh no!
Anyways... I dont know why I just typed all that.. so long after it happened. I just started mentioning it happened and I suddenly felt
like I needed to tell someone about it. I dont want to go home and tell my mom and family, they will just worry. No one reads my DA journal, so I seemed like a good place to let it out without undue attention. But now its chow time, I have to go grab a hot plate so Im gonna wrap this up. I know it sounds strange but In a wierd way Im kinda glad it happened... well not glad it happened but the results of it happening. I always looked up to my dad and the heroic things he did. I was always calm under presure and in an emergancy he was the first there to help. I always wondered.. would I, could I do the same? Would I run into the face of danger for others like I ignorantly said I would or would I buckle like many others? I was tested in that fact and I feel I passed. I am my fathers son and his courage and compasion didnt die with him.
Well this Is officialy my strangest and longes journal ever. Time to cut it off, peace in the middle east everyone.
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Plotting your demise
